Deluge
by Albion19
Summary: Tegan has a pleasant chat with the Doctor about being left behind. Set between Arc of Infinity and Snakedance.


-1

The Doctor was always pottering around the console, hands fluttering around it. She had liked to watch him do this, after she had decided to join. The silence had been welcomed, calm and pleasant, discovering that they could exist in each others presence without shouting. As long as Tegan didn't voice the opinion that said pottering seemed to be useless. The tension had still been present, but she thought it acceptable. But now she wished that she could just grab the damn thing, an obstacle between them, and throw it out into space. The silence laying heavy over their heads, waiting to burst.

Tegan was surprised to find the Console room empty, strangely sterile without occupants. she was passing the Cloister Room when she heard an annoying tune floating from it. She waited a beat, gathering herself together. 'Right! I'm not having this anymore. If he wants me to go, I'll go. But no more of this pussy footing around.' This thought had been going round and round her mind, like a waltzer. Taking a deep, steadying breath Tegan walked in.

The Doctor was sitting, long legs stretched out, crossed at the ankle. He was holding a grey plastic box that emitted that annoying tune, and intently watching it. Tegan cleared her throat and sat down slowly, feeling bemused by his preoccupation. He didn't look up, thumbs continually moving over the buttons.

"What are you doing?"

"Playing Tetris." Came the peeved reply.

With an oath she plucked it out of his hands, took the game out, and stored it in her pocket. She gave the box back.

"Tegan! I was about to set a-" She butted in before he could finish.

"Do you want me to go?" She said it slowly and firmly. She waited, her eyes never straying from him. His eyebrows raised, lips parted, but no answer was forth coming.

"I know what you told Nyssa. That I had _decided_ to stay on earth. I haven't told her any different. How she came to believe that I don't know!" Tegan drew in a breath, trapping everything that wanted to come blurting out. She stood up, pacing in front of him, thinking back.

The smile had completely fallen from his face. Hers had remand frozen, her lips a relief, separate from the rest of her. She knew then that any half baked hope that being left behind was an accident, was now redundant. She had been intentionally cast off.

She stopped in front of him, hands to hips. The box twirled in his hands incessantly. The silence stretched. Once she would have been pleased to have made him speechless, now it just made her weary. She crouched down, fingers stopping the game between his.

"When we land somewhere that doesn't end with us running to the Tardis for our lives, it's well, beautiful. I appreciate being given the chance to see that. I know that I pissed you off in the past, all that friction between us. But once I'd decided to stay, before, I thought we where ok? Well apart from the snarking, but that was teasing. You do know that?" His eyes where focused on her fingers, breathing becoming gradually shallow. He nodded.

"Well then why!? If I did come across as malicious, you read me wrong! I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't like you. And I didn't think you disliked me, that's what I thought at the time anyway. I must have it wrong. You left me intentionally and I want an explanation…please." She wanted to sound demanding, but it seemed to her as insubstantial as water vapour, hanging in the air. She willed him to answer.

His fingers had left the game as she spoke, his thumbs brushing instead to the tips of her fingers, down to her wrists and back again. He raised his face to hers. His eyes were dark in the gloom, intense. They flicked to her lips and back up again. The breathe stopped in her throat.

"Tegan…" he whispered softly, his hand moving to glide up her arm. As it reached the back of her neck, Tegan felt a giddy realisation. This was why she was left, not because he disliked her, but because he cared too much. He couldn't deal with her. More accurately, couldn't deal with his feelings. The way she felt about him had slowly crept up on her, becoming fully realised when she had decided to stay after the event in 1666. His own emotions on the subject, she couldn't fathom then. One moment causally callous with her, the next seemingly fighting for control. When those moments happened she had the fleeting thrill that he was going to do _something_ to her, only to watch him reign himself in again.

So he removes the cause of his conflicting feelings, hoping to alienate it. He wanted her to leave because of it, she wanted to stay. She almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Typical really, both dealing with the want in conflicting ways.

He must have seen the revelation on her face, because he stood up suddenly, the game clattering to the floor. She followed him as he walked to the ivy and proceeded to pluck dead leaves from it. The months of doubt, of the nagging certainty at the back of her mind, was not unfounded. She felt ridiculously pleased, and also a sense of calm. He sighed, shacking his head.

"You can be in a huff all you want, but I'm not going anywhere, not now!" She thought happily. His back stiffened, the leaves where viciously pulled off and crumpled to pieces. "You're pulling off the healthy ones…" she taunted in a sing song.

With a growl he whipped around, and grabbed her by the upper arms.

"Damn it! Tegan you are making this insufferable. This, this…atmosphere is not acceptable. I did not leave you deliberately, I genuinely thought that you wanted to stay there! Yes, that's what I told Nyssa , that it was for the best. You can stay or leave, I will not hinder your decision." His expression softened slightly. "I don't dislike you Tegan…but you have got to do as I say! I have your best interests at heart, and not listening to me will get you hurt, like it has already. Don't you see that?" He said this in a rush of words, breathlessly, giving her little shakes to emphasis certain points. Tegan raised her chin through out.

"You say I wanted to stay on Earth, but that was just your assumption. You took the cowards way out. Did you go back? Ha, like hell! Must have been nice without me, no Tegan mouthing off at you! Why disturb that?" She stopped, kicking herself for how bitter she sounded, and overtook his disgruntled reply. "No, I know that I get on your nerves. You're one amongst many! But you expect me to follow you by the letter because you're hundreds of years older then me and have this amazing machine. You might have the age but apparently not any wiser for it! You have an absolutely insane curiosity, which you put this old crate through the wringer for. So no, I'm not going to blindly follow you because you expect me to. You've got to earn that."

She thought he was going to explode. His hands tightened to the point that her fingers tingled, his chest rose and fell rapidly, matching hers. Maybe she shouldn't have called him a coward? But then he suddenly let go and stepped back. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at her with an bemused look on his face.

"You were… are, something of a shock. I haven't had that many people challenging me until you. To have blind authority in someone is never a good thing, I know this. But it…aggravates me when you don't listen, because I don't want you to be hurt." He looked at her beseechingly, willing her to believe. "I'm not the boss or leader of you, what ever you may think, but I will not back down on this." A haughty look had appeared on his face. He nodded, as if that settled the matter. She watched as he turned and headed for the door. He wasn't going to mention the aching air above them. Neither was she, but she wasn't going to ignore it either.

It's more then me challenging you, I know that now.

That cloud was still there, hanging low, but soon, she thought, it would erupt. She looked forward to the down pour.


End file.
